How to Help Without Fixing a Thing

If you have a girlfriend or wife, chances are she comes to you quite often with her daily frustrations and problems.  This is normal for someone in a relationship and a big aspect of partnership involves supporting the other person.  So chances are you try to help with her issues to the best of your abilities, and I’ll bet that it sometimes (if not oftentimes) blows up in your face.  That probably pisses you off, as you were just trying to help, and I’m sure it doesn’t make your girl feel any better to go from having a bad day to having a fight with her significant other.

Why does this happen?  The answer is much simpler than you may think.  Men like to fix things and it’s in their nature to automatically look for solutions to a problem.  Women, contrary to what some of you might want to think, aren’t completely clueless and often already know what the solution to their problem is.  We just need to vent sometimes, plain and simple.  So there we are, gladly relieving our issues to a sympathetic ear, when our guy jumps in and starts telling us what to do.  I know this might not be what you think is happening but to your stressed out lady, it feels like you’re bossing her around.  You can see how this situation can quickly turn ugly.

So what’s a guy to do?  Sit back and shut the hell up.  Seriously.  When we’re ranting and raving and need to bitch about life in general, most of the time we just want someone to listen.  Nod your head and rub your lady’s back but try not to go offering your advice until she asks for it.  If you’re unsure about just sitting there silently, you can always ask her if she wants help fixing the situation or just needs to blow off steam.  Unless her problems have made her completely irrational, she’ll probably appreciate being given that choice.  If she genuinely wants help then feel free to lend your Mr. Fix-It words of wisdom but if she says she just wants to vent, let her.  And try to actually pay attention, because it’s pretty crappy to unload a burden to your loved one and then catch them eyeing the game behind your head.  That will just make things worse. Trust me.

I know it goes against your better judgment to sit passively as a sounding board but give it a try sometime to see how it works.  I could be completely wrong but I’d be willing to bet that just being a good listener will get you further than if you try to take charge of the situation by telling your lady what she needs to do.  And whatever happens, don’t suggest that she take her problems to her girlfriends instead – unless you have a hankering for sleeping on the couch.

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