Women and “What You Want To Do Tonight?”

You’ve seen it a thousand times. Imagine a lovely young couple is sitting near you chatting in the patio section of a coffee shop. The vibe is fun and friendly. Suddenly the girl asks an innocent question. Your ears perk up recognizing potential for danger.

“What do you want to do?” or “What are we doing next?” hits your ear.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Everything hinges on the guy’s response. You eagerly listen.

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

Your heart sinks. Her’s plummets. She’s been here too. She leans back and somehow chokes out an, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” in a desperate hope to not have to waste her time and energy on details. Either way the vibe is dead.

We all know how it goes from here. The back and forth where no one wins. And the poor slob doesn’t even know where all those good feelings went. I’ve been there too.

The Problem

What exactly is the problem? Without getting too “evolutionary psychology” on you, it probably has to do with leadership being one of the best ways of insuring one’s offspring survive. So most women tend to be attracted to qualities leaders possess.

In this instance the key is decisiveness. The ability to make a quick, appropriate decision is one of the most important skills of any leader. Waffling is the fastest way to make a bad situation worse.

Like most things within society’s consensual reality it’s about trust. A women has to know she can trust you. If she can’t trust you to with something as trivial as figuring out where the two of you are going to dinner or which earrings you like better (Protip: When they look practically the same, pick the ones on the right) how the hell can she trust you if something bad were to happen?

Luckily for everyone decisiveness is a skill that can be built. How? Start making decisions on little things that don’t really matter. And now for a short digression:

A few years ago I took a friend who’d just turned 18 to a porn store to buy his first legal porn. Since he’s one of the least decisive people I know and I’m one of the more decisive people I know, my patience with him not being able to pick out some crappy porn was exhausted quickly. In frustration I declared, “Just reach out and grab one!”

Out from behind a DVD shelf popped the sleeziest man I’d ever seen in the Pittsburgh area saying, “That’s what she said” and disappearing into the night.

The point of my little segway, aside from sharing the most perfect “that’s what she said” I’ve seen, is that indecisiveness pisses off your friends too.

The Solution

So how can you build your decisive skills? Simple. Notice yourself waffling and make an arbitrary decision, damning the consequences. Soon you’ll realize most decisions don’t really matter. They really are not a big deal. As you begin to build confidence in your ability to choose it will carry over into bigger and bigger things.

So what’s the best way to respond when she asks you what you want to do? Here are a few examples to get you started. They’re sorted from worst to best and they’re all WAY better than the “What do you want to do” game.

1. Give a short list of options and let her decide the one she likes the best.

E.G. “We could go dancing, putt-putt, or grab dinner at Arby’s.”

This is a nice starter for the newly decisive man. Baby steps, brother.

2. Give a single option as a definitive answer. If she isn’t into the idea keep suggesting things one at a time until you’ve found something you both want to do.

E.G. “I was thinking we could go to a yoga class together.”

Her: “Eh..”

You: “How about we go to the local bookstore, browse for silly books, grab some coffee and share some cheesecake.”

Her: “Sure!”

This one is much better than #1 because it shows more decisiveness and confidence. The point here is to find something you’ll both enjoy by giving her options one at a time. Ideally going from what you want to do the most to what you want to do the least. This ensures you’re doing something fun for you while showing her you are more trust worthy.

Protip: Always keep your eyes open for fun things you can do with friends or women. Bookstores, Art Gallery Openings, weird shopping districts, and all sorts of other places can make for great evenings.

3. Gaze deeply into her eyes, smirk, say something vague, and then quickly change the subject.

E.G. Gaze/Smirk, “You’ll find out when we get there… have you ever noticed how girls lean forward when they like a guy?” When you’re done with what you’re doing lead her by the arm to the next thing without letting her know where you’re going.

This has the delightful advantage of making you seem less predictable while being fun and decisive. It’s something of an “Advanced move” but worth the time it takes to do easily. It helps to know a woman’s preferences beforehand, but as long as you’ve got a viable alternative or two up your sleeve if she doesn’t like your plan, you’re in the clear.

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